What A Decade…

Today I saw my twin daughters leave for  a week at church camp two hours away.  It was emotional on several different levels and I want to try to un-pack that here…

Obviously, to see your children leave under the care of other adults for five days is stressful.  I know they will have the time of their life and are VERY well taken care of, but it’s still difficult.

To sit in a quiet home tonight is relaxing, but bittersweet.  It’s not until you sit in weird silence that realize how much you should cherish the years you get with your children. 

The really unexpected result of seeing them off today was my reflection on the past decade, though.  Ten years ago I was dating an amazing woman whose “religious” views I did not agree with.  She was a devoted Christ follower and had experienced and bragged on His faithfulness. 

I, on the other hand, stood strong as what you would call an agnostic.  I believed there was a god, but thought Christians were a bunch of backbone-less idiots who were mostly hypocrites.  This, as you can imagine, was quite a contentious point in our relationship. 

By the grace of God alone, that woman stuck with me and continued to live a loving life, really opening my eyes to the true love of Christ.  We have now been married nine years, and I can’t brag on her enough.  I thank Jesus for her daily…

I also thank Jesus that, although I repeatedly denied His existence and was as blasphemous as a man could be, He continued to open His arms to me.  Five years later the Spirit of God prompted me in way that I could no longer refuse.  The five years since have been unbelievable. 

To think that Jesus loves me, loves my wife, loves my daughters and my son is still incomprehensible.  Why He stuck with me is beyond me. 

The path that continued today with my daughters going to CHURCH camp is mind-blowing.  My kids are at CHURCH camp.  If you grew up in church, that might not mean much.  But if you see this through the lens of my life, you would be, as I am, so incredibly humbled by the love of an awe-inspiring God. 

I thank the Lord tonight that He continued to pursue and love me, and especially that He now has opened my children’s eyes to His love…

Thank you, Lord for being so faithful and bringing so much joy…

You have this same call…

God has been doing a  number on me recently in regards to my family.  It seems that every sermon I listen to and every book I read drives home the number one call on a man’s life…his family.  These lessons have been particularly convicting lately…

Our home church is blessed to have one of the most amazing kid’s ministries in the world.  The volunteers, the programs, and the leadership are all in line and highly effective.  The difference they have made in my daughters in the past year cannot be overstated. 

There in began the problem…I began to wonder if what my daughters were getting THERE was more impactful and intentional than what I, as their father, was delivering at home.  The greatest ministry program in the world doesn’t hold a candle to an intentional, passionate parent. 

I also see the other side of this coin working as a student pastor.  For some of the teenagers we get to minister to, WE are their only exposure to Jesus.  It pains me to see the real and genuine hurt in their eyes. 

Parents, it’s time to stop making excuses.  YOU are the number one pastor in your child’s life.  What you do, they do.  What you say, they say.  What you believe (often), they believe.  Your disciplines become their disciplines.  Your priorities become their priorities. 

DADS – You, in particular, have a godly mandate to pastor your family (yes, that includes your wife).  When you ignore that call or, worse, blatantly defy it…you are spitting in the face of Holy God.  You MUST place your relationship with Jesus Christ as your number one priority.  Your service to your family is a very close second. 

The statistics are staggering.  In homes where the father is a church attender, over 80% of the time the family is, too.  That number is somewhere in the 50% range in homes where only the mother attends.  That is NOT a poor reflection on mothers.  That is a sad statement on the gross negligence of many dads. 

Get over yourself, dad.  It’s time to humble yourself at the feet of Jesus and follow HIM.  Part of following Him humbly is humbly LEADING your family TO Him.  Our kids are depending on us.  Our wives are trusting us.  God is waiting for us.  Let’s step it up and lead our families the way God designed.

Dating in the 21st Century

North Park Youth will set out tonight to determine what exactly God’s will is for their dating lives.  This is as tricky a topic as there is in today’s culture.  The television and radio portray dating as a sport, to be conquered, sharing as many partners as possible along the way.  God’s word points in an entirely different direction. 

Many students and even single adults see dating as nothing more than a past-time.  A hobby one can become an expert at.  I disagree.  I truly believe that the beauty of dating lies in keeping it simple. 

My advice for students is just that, simple.  Dating is a part of the process we use to determine if someone is a person we would consider partnering with for life through marriage.  Dating is NOT a sport, past-time, hobby, excuse for sexual immorality, or any of the other things our television culture leads one to believe. 

Here is the simple plan I believe God wants students and adults to follow. 

1.  Pursue HIM above all else at all times.  That relationship is foundational to a successful dating/marriage relationship.

2.  Get to know the person you are attracted to BEFORE you date them.  By simply going on dates with people you find attractive before you know their character, you are running toward temptation.  You are not fleeing from it, as scripture tells us (1 Corinthians 6:18).

3.  Recognize your worth is in Christ alone.  Your value is not in the fact that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Your value is not in how much money he/she has or how “hot” he/she is.  Your worth is based in Jesus and Jesus alone.

4.  You must select wisely.  They need to have a relationship with Christ.  They must.  It’s that simple.  You also must recognize that you are not going to change someone.  If you are dating someone you have to “shape up” you are dating the wrong person. 

There are certainly more factors to consider than these, but these will get a person off to a great start.  I hope that the parents who read this take this seriously enough to teach your children the importance of prioritizing their relationship with Christ first.  If they will value THAT relationship above all else, HE will provide the right person at the right time. 

What other advice would you give people who are dating or considering dating?

Broken Homes

In three weeks at North Park youth, we are going to delve into the topic of broken homes.  How does a child in this environment handle the baggage and heartache often associated with these situations?

I grew up in a dream scenario with two parents who loved each other more than anything in the world.  My first experience, in-depth, with this issue was my wonderful wife.  Her home was one of trouble as a child.  The trials she faced as just a young girl still shock me. 

What is most impressive, though, is her re-telling of the way she KNEW God was with her.  Some of the stories she tells bring goosebumps, literally, every time I think of them.  When she had nothing and seemingly no one to lean on, she had a direct line to the Creator of the universe. 

My heart hurts for students experiencing this type of home even as I write this.  This morning I read Psalm 40:1-5 repeatedly.  Verse two reads “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”  I have spent my life taking that firm place to stand for granted.  This study is driving home the tragedy that is many student’s lives.  They feel that they have no firm place.  They feel that they are right in the middle of the slimy pit with no way out.  To make it worse, many of them believe it’s their own fault that their home is torn. 

Please commit to pray for the young people you know who are struggling with a broken home situation.  If you are contributing to a broken home situation, please pursue God’s will for your home.  Repent and seek HIM first.  Maybe share the words of Psalm 40:1-5 with the students you know or with your family.  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2040:1-5&version=NIV

The company you keep

Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

I have been so blessed in my life to walk with some amazing people. 

Prior to becoming a Christian five years ago, the men I developed relationships with in my career at the time shaped me in a huge way.  These were men of high integrity, always doing what was right even when no one was looking.  Since becoming a Christ follower, I have been surrounded by true Christ followers, NOT church attenders, who have led me down the right paths, and I am so grateful.  Growing up, the example set in my home was one of high ethical standards.  By God’s grace, I have most always had the opportunity to be in the presence of incredible people. 

As a pastor to young people, I wish I could make the importance of this proverb stick.  The times in my life when I have drifted away from the positive influences toward the more negative influences, it has been noticeable.  The company you keep truly shapes the way you behave and the habits you develop. 

Students, I implore you to take a very real look at the people you surround yourself with.  Are they helping you grow closer to Jesus?  Are they completely indecisive and not leading you anywhere (which, by the way, IS leading you somewhere; somewhere you DON’T want to go)?  Or are they blatantly helping you down the wrong path, and you KNOW it?  Make the tough decision and get in the company of people who will build you UP, not tear you down!

PARENTS, Do you have any idea who your children are spending their time with?  Are you aware of the situation of the people your student associates with.  In a very short time working with students I have seen the damage ONE poor friend choice can have on your “perfect” child.  You MUST wake up and be aware of the situations and people your child is putting him or herself in and with.  I cannot over exaggerate the importance of your involvement. 

Do you have someone in your life who you can say dramatically shaped your life, good or bad, other than a parent?

I wonder if it hurts God…

This morning I rounded a corner to see my 17 month old son, my only son, playing with a plug-in…I instinctively grabbed him up and spanked his  bottom hard enough to ensure that he knew NOT to play with plug-ins, EVER.  In that moment, there was an indescribable pain that I believe only parents can know.

It was vital that I taught my son not to play with plug-ins, for HIS safety.  It was vital to his health that I responded in a way that made him understand the danger in what he was doing.

It sure was painful for me, though.  As I held him in the moments after the spank, my heart hurt, bad.  My son, who trusts me completely, had just been “hurt” by his daddy.  I can’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

Then I began to wonder.  I wonder…in moments when God has to “hurt” us to protect us in the future, does He hurt?  Does He get that awful feeling I had knowing that I had just turned my son’s world upside-down?  Does His heart hurt the way mine did in that moment?

Moreover, how do I respond when he has to hurt me to protect me?  Do I sink my face between His neck and shoulder the way my son did, grasping His shirt with all the power my hands have?  Or, do I push away, resenting the corrective action God had to take?

May my son remember the reason I punish him sometimes…May we all remember the reason God “punishes” us sometimes…